i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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