She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
