We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
literally had 100 drinks last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
