i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
