plz talk dirty to me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The air was thick with penises
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
