your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
