so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
