Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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