He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
