You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
