I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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