If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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