You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
