i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
