I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
