C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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