My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
