I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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