you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
