Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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