I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
