closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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