So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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