so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
