dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
