if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it's like heaven, but drunker
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
