then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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