This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woke up backwards on a recliner
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
