I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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