i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just had sex on a roof
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
