the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
