I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
