between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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