Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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