my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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