how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
