Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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