how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
