I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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