Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
