he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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