Will you blow on my dice?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i think my cat just said my name.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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