i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Even my vagina gasped.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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