called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
