That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
