He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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