Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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