Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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