I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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