so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i think i just lost a toe
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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