I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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