Sry I called you an 8
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
