if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a hot homeless man
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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