you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
