I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
