I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
