We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
