Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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