Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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