the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
even my farts smell like vagina
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
