i don't like sucking hair
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
