bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There r osticjed everywhere
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize