just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
